She got jealous to another girl you’re getting your eyes on.. She cried in the shower… while listening to her new downloaded song of Carole King!! It was a sad song entitled “Will you still love me tomorrow?” Every lyrics brought her into tears as they were meant to hit every sad emotions she had felt that day. It was a sad and gloomy bath. “Why you didn’t pay attention to me?”, the girl whimpered. Life must go on.. she said. Strongly convincing herself to move on, find someone that will appreciate you.
So, there’s the second man. You need to start somewhere, a common ground… Bill Hicks is the name. The name that described what kind of individual this second man she met. A witty, British git, If you’d like to call him that. A smooth talker, haha she always said that to him, whenever he complimented her. In her mind, ooh this guy knows woman likes compliments, likes to feel special… this guy knows. ‘No, you’re gorgeous! Believe me.’, he insisted. She was lonely, a woman who needs a company, and he was there. Cheering her up. He’s really good at it. He really got her. “Click!” They’re on. It was sweet. She feels special. Right there and then, he wanted to be with her. She already fell with this second man. Argh! No escape.
Lo and behold.. she learned he has a partner. You don’t want to see this girl getting jealous, believe me. She cried. He explained she “was” his partner. “Oh Gawd! I don’t want to be a mistress”, her mind shouted. She found out, in his culture, people don’t usually get married if they don’t want to, and stay as partner for long as they wish. Which is good. It’ll give people more options and freedom. Marriage is just for legal purposes. That being said, marriage cant be used in judging relationships. Be married or not, what matters most is what they have is real, the love is real.
Too late. Second man is playing with her. She analyze the situation and decided to quit. “I don’t want you to leave her, just because I’m younger”, she told him. She knew he can have him if she wanted, but she doesn’t want his girl, his “partner” to get hurt because of her. Because she flirted with her man, with her guy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Why you guys doing this to a girl? You cannot have both even if it pleases your ego.”
She can’t remember how many days they didn’t talk. Then, he’s at it again. Convincing her that he and the girl were no longer together. Oh boy.. Do girls really get irrational when they’re in love? She’s the living proof. Here they go again, messaging each other. Love is sweeter the second time around. Sure they do. It gets sweeter every night and day. “Maybe because of his age, he knows how to handle girls like me?” Here she goes again, analyzing stuff. hehe!
Days, months, years.. they’ve been enjoying each other’s existence. They haven’t got bored. Second is the man who can ride her mood swings, craziness. So props to him, ‘cos she’s really, really, really unpredictable. Oh yeah, they talked everything under the sun. She loves music, but because of age gap, she doesn’t know much of his taste. She can tell, he got a wide range of music genre in his head. Politics? They seldom do, yeah. However, since they’re not from the same country, they often mind their own business, their own country’s issues. She loves science. Bill Hicks was known for political and social issues, so nope.
“You still awake? Tell me about the Universe, life, etc.”, he said. She dodged the topic, because she can sense, he sounded like a trying hard person who doesn’t have an interest in ‘science’, but he asked anyway just to pleased her.(?)
Haha yeah’ if someone asks her stuff like science, she’ll be more than willing to encourage their passion. But she’s hoping he’ll be interested, of course. She’ll be happy by the thought of it. Before she was pretty sure she had the knack in making someone to love science. But in him, she wasn’t so sure now.
She told him she’s easily get jealous. And that’s her problem. She’s a jealous girl. She told him about it at the very beginning. Again at the second time, she gets jealous to a girl. It’s not her instinct, tho’. She’s a skeptic and she needs evidence. AHA! “Babe”. Nope, not the same girl, a different one 🙁 That’s the evidence she was looking for. Her ears have gotten hot and red. “I don’t think I can still trust you’, she said. “Since we can’t be together, I’m freeing you now. I’m so done. I quit.”
“I don’t deserve you”, he said.
“What??” “After all this time, that I’m trying to work this out, and now you’re telling me about us being oceans apart is the problem?” She bursted.
After hearing that, she got really pissed off.
– No Connection –
Days gone by. She’s now analyzing what happened. Second man messaged her, “I’m sorry… yada…yada…yada…”
Not going into details, of course. She said;
“I’m sorry too. I seriously want you to find someone else. I genuinely want you to be with her, whoever she is. You’re free to have choices, since we’re in a different situation. Don’t deprived yourself, just because you’re committed to me. What if you really like that girl? Besides, she’s nearer to you.”
Yes! That’s her, still being understandable to the situation after analyzing. She hated herself, sometimes. Then he was like, “don’t want anybody but you.”
This time, she was firmed with her decision to never go back. She wants him to know that was his consequences on cheating on her. They still talking but in her mind, she doesn’t want to take him seriously na.
Her mind says, “I don’t know, I’m tired, but still, I’m enjoying this man’s company.” So they make a deal; if they found someone else, they should leave the fuck each other alone. YES! She didn’t do what she ought to do, to quit. Her reason? “What the heck! Can we just make each other happy by talking to each other?”
This bitch has gone mental. lol
“It’s kinda hard to let the man go. It’s been years that we know each other. But what we felt is real, it was genuine. I can tell. Yeah, I’m stupid.
I know what’s the consequences for letting him talking to me again. Deeper conversations, and deeper attachment again. Again, I’m digging my own grave. This time, it’s a hole that i wont be able to climbed up.”
Their deal was already sealed. This is nothing serious. So yeah! Play along.
He’s a wonderful guy, he deserves better.
The trust is gone, as well as the consequences of the long distance relationship steps in – frustrations. Everything always has an end. It ended.